Group Claims "Foul Play"
Behind Elephant Deaths

After a series of elephant deaths at the Gotham Zoo, one pro-animal group is charging that the deaths may be the result of a "malicious conspiracy." Gilaed Braverman of the Elephants Defense League claims that his group has amassed evidence revealing a "secret league of pachyderm haters" that have conspired to destroy the lives of our big-eared friends."

Braverman claims that the conspiracy reaches into the highest level of the zoo, and that recent deaths of Vishnu the Elephant, Smokey the Elephant, and Sam the Elephant were "no accident."

Braverman demanded that Vishnu the elephant be disinterred so as to give him a "proper autopsy." Unfortunately, Sam the elephant was cremated and the 59 pounds of ashes that remained were sprinkled over Gotham Harbor in a public event which featured a children's choir and speeches from animal lovers around the nation.

The Gotham Zoo released a statement saying that they were grieving for the elephants too. Zoo head Margo Learner was quoted as saying that Braverman and other members of his Elephants Defense League were "mentally unstable" and the charges "absolutely ludicrous." She also said that Vishnu the Elephant was a "rare soul" who had "taught her much about love and family" during her years at the zoo.