Page 2 Articles

Poisoned Cakes Lead to Delirium

The Gotham Heath Department declared a "health emergency" today as a rash of poisoned cakes forced several Gothamites into the hospital. The cakes, which were found in dozens of bakeries throughout Gotham, were offered free to unsuspecting Gothamites who believed they were the lucky recipients of anonymous generosity. However, many of the cakes seemed to be adulterated with a mystery compound that led to spasms, loss of bowel control, delirium, and failure of most critical facilities. The Health Department is investigating the incidents, but recommends that for now, cakes should be off-limits for Gotham citizens.

Teen "News Junkie" Creates Must-Read Gotham Web Site

Zeke Dalwinter hasn't finished his sophomore year at Gotham Public High School #113. He can't drive a car, vote, or drink alcohol. At 15, he says he has to shave "about once a month." But his website — the Maiden Avenue Report — has become essential reading for Gotham news and politics. The site, which posts a combination of insider political rumors, Gotham trivia, and strange city happenings, has become a "must-read", according to advisers to both Harvey Dent and Roger Garcetti. "Every day I get up and hold my breath until I see the Maiden headline," said Dent media strategist Allan Cypes, "He's got great sources and a real nose for what's hot." Dalwinter creates the report from his basement, where he relies on what he says are "parents of friends, online tips, and some old-fashioned digging." Usually the site is updated twice a week, but the teen's parents have the final say. "They weren't happy with my report card so they cut off my access to the Internet," said Dalwinter. "Sometimes being a kid sucks." With the political season beginning to start, news junkies are praying that Dalwinter can keep his grades up.

Gotham Beekeeper Killed in Bizarre "Bee Mauling"

Gotham's only remaining beekeeper was found dead yesterday, apparently the result of thousands of bee stings. Entomologists were puzzled by the aggressive behavior of the normally docile bees that killed their owner, Gabriel Andrew Filanger. A Gotham Rapid Biohazard Intervention Force took samples of the bees, which seemed to be in a satiated, engorged state. It has been speculated that Filanger's usual stock of friendly, familiar European honeybees may have been contaminated with the much more aggressive Africanized variety, which has been moving north from Central America since the 1970s. Donations to a memorial fund for Mr. Filanger can be given to the Gotham Bee Nice charity, which supports bees throughout the globe.

Tuna King Rejuvenates Gotham Fish Market As "Sushi Paradise"

Just two years ago, Gotham's historic Fish Market by Gotham Bay was scheduled for destruction. The wharf — once the center of the regional fish business — was emptying out as crime, age, and declining sales took its toll.

But that was before "Tuna King" Patric O'Hannahan worked his maritime magic. Today the Gotham Fish Market is thriving, as young couples, families, and tourists crowd into the district for fresh sushi and seaside nightlife.

"We brought this area back from the dead," said O'Hannahan from the bustling corner newsstand and coffee shop where he holds court every morning. "The city had even taken the fish market off its list of designated landmarks so it could be razed to put up condos. But now, look around! It's a whole new fish market!" he continued.

Signs of the area's revitizations are clear. Sales tax figures from the city show that retail sales in the fish market have doubled in just two years. Over 23 restaurants now crowd the suddenly-hip district, including 13 sushi bars.

And one of Gotham's toniest restaurants — the posh eatery RAW — has brought the A-List crowd to a neighborhood they previously would never have thought to visit.

O'Hannahan imported experienced sushi chefs from Japan when he started his revitalization project, and the sushi restaurants they ran quickly achieved "must-eat" status for the city's foodies. One world-renowned food guide dubbed the area "Sushi Paradise" in its Gotham issue last year.

And this month, the first art gallery opened in an area more well known for gutting trout than hanging abstract paintings.

In the middle of a smoke break by the crowded docks, fishmonger Cilio Amarian considers the recent changes. "The fish still smells the same, but the crowd smells a lot better," he said as his hands, weathered by years of sun, salt, sea, and flounder, gripped his Lucky Strike unfiltereds. "It's more upscale now."

Indeed, the changes have been striking. Fishermen in the area recall a dilapidated region of rotting wood piers, shacks of ice and fish, and garbage piled up on every corner. Everybody has a story on how bad the "bad old days" were.

Tony Sacamanda wrapped up three sea bass and he reminisced. "There were some days when our only customers were people headed somewhere else but got lost," Sacamanda said.

But on a recent visit to the Fish Market, it was obvious to onlookers that times had changed. A gleaming new building has replaced one entire block of shacks, stands, and slap-dash parking lots. The ubiquitous fish slime on the concrete floors has disappeared, replaced with a cobblestone look.

Wood shavings carpet the cobblestone like snow, thanks to a marketing campaign that determined that customers like its look and smell. Inside, sushi restaurants, upscale oyster bars, and fashionable shops bring a steady stream of families, kids, and tourists throughout the day.

Nobody's talking about shuttering the fish market today. But the old hands who have toiled in the market for decades aren't all happy about the new changes.

Fishmonger Sal Florentino, unloading clawing crustaceans into an icefield box, said, "The new building is all shiny, but you can't see the sunrise from inside. What's the use of being a fisherman if you can't see the sunrise?"