Family emails

FWD: Report Protocol
To: Cecilia "Sugarpants" Barhyte

Remember when I was telling you about Eugene, that new pencil pusher in the records department? Well, get a load of this e-mail he just sent me:

<<<<<<<From: department of records>
< Just a friendly reminder: make sure to use our new
< plastic-coated paperclips when fastening your weekly
< reports. They're easier on the hands and they brighten
< up the office, too!
< Thanks,
< Eugene Randall

Can you believe this guy? Get a life, buddy!

FWD: Game Night
To: Cecilia "Sugarpants" Barhyte

< Hey, gang (oops - I probably shouldn't use that term
< loosely, what with our line of work - JK!)

< It's time for another game night at my place. You
< bring the wine, I'll bring the fun. Get ready for some
< killer backgammon (there I go with the poor choice of
< words again!)
< --Melvin Finnigity

Don't worry - I already told him we can't make it. Oh, by the way, your mother's really "sick", in case anyone asks.

-Glenn

Sorry honey
From: Cecilia "Sugarpants" Barhyte

When I got home from work today, I found Burt tearing through the autographed copy of your favorite true-crime novel, "The Lieutenant's Way." Then, he threw up all over your vinyl collection. I cleaned up the mess the best I could, but I don't think any of those records will play anymore.

Love you,
Cecilia

APRIL FOOLS!
From: Cecilia "Sugarpants" Barhyte

Burt would never destroy your stuff - he's a good boy! Hope I didn't freak you out too bad.

(Still) Love you,
Cecilia

Thanks so much son!
From: Greta Anne Barhyte

Glenn,

I can't believe you sent me a computer! I had your brother set it up and then he taught me email, so now I'm truly "with it" as you kids say. You are a fine son - thank you!

Glenn, I worry about you so. You know, the Henderson kids all got into nice professions. Georgie is a airline mechanic now and Francis sells insurance. Have you ever thought about selling insurance? Myra says he makes good money. I could put you in touch with Francis if you'd like.

I love you!
Mom

How do I get on the computer?
From: Mom

Glenn, this is your mother. How do I get on the computer? It's not working. I can't get on the computer. Please help.

Mom

<none>
From: Mom

Help! I lost all my web sites. What do I do?

Cup holder
From: Mom

Sorry to bother you at work. I think I broke the cup holder on my computer. I put a glass of tea in there and it broke off. The computer guy I called said it wasn't a cup holder, but I know it is. My neighbor Betty told me and her grandson works for Gizzle.

New Mattress?
To: Cecilia "Sugarpants" Barhyte

Noticed that Feathers is having a sale on twin mattresses. The bed in the guestroom can really use a new one. Mom would like it when she visits. I'm going to stop in after work. We can charge it and pay the bill right away from my check next Friday. Want me to pick you up? We can get dinner after. You said you were having cravings for lobster and ice cream!

Intruder alert!
From: Cecelia "Sugarpants" Barhyte

Maybe we should have paid attention on game night. Know how to batten down hatches? My mom's coming on the 22nd.

Lunchtime mandate
From: Cecilia "Sugarpants" Barhyte

Mom's busy working in the guest room. I'm sneaking out and meeting you for lunch. You are not allowed to say "no." See you at the usual.

Free! Free! Free!
From: Cecelia "Sugarpants" Barhyte

Just got back from dropping mom off at the airport. Always kind of sad to say "goodbye" despite the constant torture. I admit, it felt good having her around the past week. I'll miss her.

Hey hon
To: Cecilia "Sugarpants" Barhyte

I got a funny feeling about this case I'm working on. Do me a favor and stay out of Little Italy today, alright?

Love you,
--Glenn

Checking in
From: Cecilia "Sugarpants" Barhyte

Did you take your heart medication this morning? If the answer is no, then I'm going to meet you for lunch and bring you those "damn pills" (as you call them).

--Your favorite wife

You went to the ER?
From: Cecilia "Sugarpants" Barhyte

The doctor's office just called and said they had the results of your test from your ER visit last week. You went to the ER without telling me? It's hard enough being the wife of a cop without worrying myself about that little heart condition of yours. TALK TO ME!

--Cecilia

Grrr
From: Cecilia "Sugarpants" Barhyte

OK, this time I know you forgot to take your heart pills. I tied a small thread to the medicine cabinet and, wouldn't you know it, the thread was unbroken when I checked it!

So, I'm coming to your office for lunch - that's a threat.

--Cecilia

FWD: RE: Possible Consultation
To: Cecilia "Sugarpants" Barhyte

Cel - get a load of this touchy-feely quack. She sent me the following message about tomorrow's session. I can already tell this won't last long... or, maybe she'll hypnotize me and turn me into a shaman dream warrior - who knows?

< < Glenn, I'm so happy you changed your mind about
< using my services. I'm looking forward to meeting
< with you tomorrow so that you can clear your mind,
< search your soul and discuss whatever's bothering
< you. Remember: everything you share with me is
< strictly confidential.

< All the best,
< Dr. Zelda

RE: Honey?
To: Cecilia "Sugarpants" Barhyte

Hey, Cel, baby - still not talking to me?

FWD: Welcome
To: Cecilia "Sugarpants" Barhyte

I just got this e-mail from the big cheese. Not too shabby, eh?

--Glenn Barhyte, rock star

< < Detective Barhyte,
< I've been hearing great things about our newest
< crackerjack in MCU and I wanted to extend my
< warmest greetings. It's going to be an uphill battle, but
< we're finally assembling the right team to investigate
< this money laundering plague, bust it up and make
< Gotham that much safer.
< Looking forward to working with you,
< --Lt. Gordon

You Are So Cool
From: Cecilia "Sugarpants" Barhyte

Hey Sexy - Just wanted to congratulate you on the first day of your new job! I knew you were going places. I love you, tiger. How's it goin?

Conquest!
To: Cecilia "Sugarpants" Barhyte

Mark your calendar, hun. We're being knighted or something.

<

Coffee and more coffee
To: Cecilia "Sugarpants" Barhyte

Just got in. Can't remember the last time I crawled into the office this early but since I couldn't sleep with all that noise, I figured I'd get a jump on the casework today.

Hope you don't see this until a more reasonable hour. How you slept through that noise I'll never know.

So unbelievably sorry
From: Atoz

Dear Glenn,

I don't know what to say. I feel like such a loser. I always end up doing stuff like that and I don't know why. I've always been this way, I guess.

I had no idea you just oiled that jacket. It wouldn't have mattered if I just brought something from Bob's, but I had to go and make flaming baked Alaska! I mean, who eats flaming baked Alaska, right?

Again, I'm really sorry. Can you forgive me? I'll get you a new jacket. I promise. You said it's irreplaceable but I believe anything is possible if you stick to it.

Atoz

Atoz
From: Cecelia "Sugarpants" Barhyte

Heard some more about last night. Don't be too hard on the kid. He means well, though I know how much that jacket meant to you. Any idea if your dad got that in the service or here in town? Doubt that store would still exist. There was an insignia stitched under the left lapel, right?

Bet you're looking forward to Sunday. Oh boy - all the hard candy we can eat!

Thank you both
To: Cecilia "Sugarpants" Barhyte

I still can't get over how you two found that jacket! You must have gone to every used clothing place in town. I was wondering why Cecelia didn't go with me to pick up her mom on Sunday.

This really means a lot to me. Dad and all. Thanks.

Glenn

P.S. - I'm a little worried that you too are conspiring behind my back (even if it is to pull off very appreciated surprises like this jacket scheme). Should I be suspecting an affair? If so, hands off! That goes for you, too, Atoz.

--Still Glenn

Bought you earplugs
From: Cecilia "Sugarpants" Barhyte

Don't be grumpy. You're very sweet for letting him stay with us for a while.

Sometimes couples go through these things. They think they're growing apart when they're really just changing as people. It can create stress I'm sure. Not that I know from my own experience, so don't go thinking that, mister policeman.

I guess for them it's coming down to wanting different things. He seems really confused right now, and with the exam not happening I think they're both seeing their futures in different lights. They just need some time to sort through this stuff. Who knows? I'm sure we don't know the whole story. Maybe something else is going on that we don't know about. You never know what happens behind other peoples' closed doors.

I know you didn't want him here after mom just left, but it's the right thing to do. I wouldn't lead you astray.... well... maybe a little astray.

Skin tight Barhyte
To: Cecilia "Sugarpants" Barhyte

Know what that is? That's what everyone is calling me!

Isn't it bad enough I pulled the July 4 shift for the third year in a row?

First, he clips his nails all over the kitchen floor, then he's always on the computer, and now he "does me a favor" by shrinking my uniform two sizes!? There's a reason it says "dry clean only"!!!!

Tooth Fairy Chronicles
From: Cecilia "Sugarpants" Barhyte

What was that this morning? He didn't mean to use your toothbrush. But, you didn't have to throw it at him... with a fresh glob of toothpaste on it... that's now all over my couch (notice how it's not YOUR couch anymore?)

Keep the old temper in check, sweetums - I don't want any more heart murmur scares. I've had enough to last me two lifetimes.

-The light of your freakin' life

I'll pay for it, I swear
From: Atoz

Um... I don't even know how to get started. I'm really, really, really, really sorry about your TV. I saw the gun maintenance memo and thought I'd do something nice for you since you were stuck late. I was cleaning it and it just went off. I swear. It wasn't my fault. I don't know how it happened.

Hey... on the upside, the set still turns on and gets sound... that's something, right? You can listen to TV until I can scrape together the money to replace it. I will replace it. You can count on me. I'll make this right.

Don't think my wife was too glad to see me home last night, but I understand if you've had enough of me all week. I think I would have thrown myself out if the shoe was on the other foot.

Worried
To: Cecilia "Sugarpants" Barhyte

I hated having to come in early again with you still not feeling well. Maybe you should call the doctor?

Great news
To: Atoz

I can't thank you enough. If you weren't here to get the phone who knows what would have happened. I could have lost them both. I can't even think about it. You really came through, man. I'll never forget this. Never.

Right now the doctors say everything's fine with Cecilia and the baby but they're keeping her overnight just in case.

s/he's kicking!
From: Cecilia "Sugarpants" Barhyte

I felt the baby kick again! Or it was that bad Chinese food, I can't figure it out.

Know what I think? I think I can't wait for you to get home and curl up with me.

Love and kisses, The little lady waiting for you at home

Another late one
To: Cecilia "Sugarpants" Barhyte

It never stops. Won't be able to pick up dinner tonight. Have something to take care of. Should be home in time for the show. Have the popcorn waiting.

Love ya

Hello?
From: Mom

Glenn? I haven't heard back. It's not like you. Is everything OK, honey?