MCU emails

RE: Departmental Reassignment
From: Jarret Highview

Yes, I did receive your request to leave IA and join Gordon over at MCU. I assure you, your credentials are good enough to pave the way for any transition you want to make in the field of law enforcement and I'll support whatever decision you make, but I must ask why. You're one of the best guys we've got (off the record, of course - I can't show favoritism, y'know?)

Just think about it before you interview with Jim. Once he sees your resume, he'll snatch you up in a heartbeat and I hate the idea of losing yet another honest IA detective.

--Chief Highview

Par-TAY!
From: The Slatt Man

Good to hear that Cecilia's finally forgiven you for the fact that you confided in me about your career plans before her. Now, has she forgiven me?

Well, I hope so, because I'm throwing you a rager of a going away party this Saturday. You'll be so hungover that you'll still be hurting on your first day of work at MCU next week. Then, they'll fire you and you'll have to tuck your tail between your legs and come back and work with us grunts in IA. That is my plan (evil laugh). Get your liver ready for some major drinking, you major crimebuster you.

--Slatteronsky

Welcome
From: Jim Gordon

Detective Barhyte, I've been hearing great things about our newest crackerjack in MCU and I wanted to extend my warmest greetings. It's going to be an uphill battle, but we're finally assembling the right team to investigate this money laundering plague, bust it up and make Gotham that much safer.

Looking forward to working with you,

--Lt. Gordon

FWD: Welcome
To: The Slatt Man

I just got this e-mail from the big cheese. Jealous?

--Glenn Barhyte, rock star

< < Detective Barhyte,
< I've been hearing great things about our newest
< crackerjack in MCU and I wanted to extend my
< warmest greetings. It's going to be an uphill battle, but
< we're finally assembling the right team to investigate
< this money laundering plague, bust it up and make
< Gotham that much safer.
< Looking forward to working with you,
< --Lt. Gordon

Can't wait to start
To: Jim Gordon

Lt. Gordon,
I cannot wait to start work over at MCU. I'll be there first thing Monday morning. I know there'll be a pile of paperwork to get thru.

Here's to doing real police work,
Glenn

Payment Delay
From: Human Resources

Dear Officer Barhyte,

Due to missing transfer of payment information, we will not be able to issue payment drawn from the Major Crimes Unit account. The administrative clerk for your office should have filed it with Human Resources within one week of your transfer announcement. The earliest you will begin receiving paychecks under your new job category will be Friday, June 27.

If you have any questions, please contact your human resources coordinator.

Re: Who is my human resources coordinator?
From: Atoz

Oh, sheesh, I feel really bad! I don't know what could have happened. I have a distinct memory I filed that paperwork as soon as your transfer order hit my desk. I remember because your social security number was unique in its numerological repetitions. I'm going down to HR first thing in the morning to sort this out. I'd go now, but it's after 4 and they're already gone. Don't worry, Glenn. I'm on the case.

Atoz

RE: Poker still on?
To: The Slatt Man

Still no word on the missing paperwork. Remember that year they were going to "professionalize the bureaucracy"? This really ticks me off. And this guy that screwed up everything - "Atoz" (what kind of name is Atoz??) - keeps on coming by my desk and asking me if anything's changed. It's been three minutes bro! Did we add another section to our non-discrimination policy covering morons?

HR Update
From: Atoz

Just got back from HR. They said they never got the form. I asked to go through their records and they said it's against protocol. A friend of mine gets on shift up there this afternoon. I'm going to head back up there then. In the meantime, I've already completed a new payment form and will personally walk it over to everyone who needs to sign it before lunch. Push comes to shove, I'll call in a favor and get my friend to pull some strings.

FW: HR Update
To: The Slatt Man

Well I take it all back. Atoz may be a little weird but I think this goofball might be the most professional guy in the whole GPD.

HR Update Two
From: Atoz

Guess what? They filed it under Burhype. I found it in 20 seconds. You're all set.

Oh, and about that other thing boss - yeah, the arrest report filenames should just be the booking number with the GP prefix (not MCU). A few years back we were considering going with another system, but that was nixed and we're still doing it the old fashioned way.

I have a new friend!
To: Cecilia "Sugarpants" Barhyte, Slatt Man

Both of you need not worry about my being alone in this new job of mine. I have a great new friend. He is truly remarkable. I am the luckiest man in the world. I am now going to lock myself in the supply closet.

<<To: Glenn Barhyte>>
<<From: Atoz>>

< Wow thanks a lot, man. That really means something
< to me. Whoa. Don't worry - you won't have to get a
< restraining order against me, or anything (although, if
< you did, I'd make sure to file it in a professional,
< efficient manner). :D But I just wanted to say thanks a
< lot for saying thanks. Does that seem weird? Not to
< me. I do so much work around here - little things. You
< won't be interested in them so I won't mention 'em.
< The really important thing is. Well, maybe I will
< mention them, because nobody really knows what I do
< all day. People think I just push paper. And it's all
< good, you know, I kid around. Guys say I should start
< the File Olympics. We created lots of funny categories.
< The Manila Folding Speed Round. The Great Eraser
< Hunt. The Alphabet Unjumble. International Paper Cut
< Challenge. Stuff like that. It was a riot. Guys were on
< the floor. Even Gordon got into it. But nobody really
< knows what I do. Everything got so easy so quick. I
< focus like a camcorder. Incredible focus. I'm a detail
< kind of guy. So I do lots of stuff to make it interesting.
< Reverse alphabetization, record duplication (or
< triplication!), mail organization, re-engineering the
< entire file flow to reduce paper costs, setting up a file
< system in new offices, and helping you guys out
< whenever I can. But nobody really says thank you.
< Not that it really matters. Hell, I get bored being
< myself. What you guys do is so much more important
< than what I do. But it just really makes it all
< worthwhile when I can help you guys out and
< someone, anyone, notices. Not that I'd notice
< someone like me if I was real police, but maybe I
< would, and I'd say something like, hey, Atoz, thanks a
< lot, what are you doing for lunch. You know? Anyway,
< I'm always here for you guys. Whatever you need,
< wherever in the alphabet it is, how many numbers or
< letters or slashes, I can find it for you. I can find warts
< on a supermodel! Candy in the diabetes wing! Meaning
< in a Danielle Steel novel! Anything you need, no
< matter how crazy, I can find. That's just how I am.
< Ask anybody at MCU about me. I'm their secret
< weapon around here. Anyways, I'll talk to you later. I
< like to get coffee around 11AM at the side break room.

< Atoz

Forgiven
To: Cecilia "Sugarpants" Barhyte

Of course I forgive you. I'd forgive you ripping out one of my limbs after last night in the booth! Wow. How'd I get so lucky?

Gotcha on the Mel medieval thing. No problem. I don't like maces and gladiators anyway. Not that much. Maybe the gladiators. Just kidding sugarpants - you're the one for me!

Your faithful servant

G

Another fish?
To: Slatt Man

That's what I like about you. You're always scheming to rip someone off, get a cheaper beer, or hit on a skankier girl. You really are a class act, Slatts.

Atoz for poker night? Hmmm. If it wasn't so crazy, it just might work. I kinda have the feeling that this one is all Velcro and glue. He did save my skin tho, I was sweating it. Besides, I thought you wanted to be the only jackass at the table?

What's up?
From: Atoz

Am running out to Bob's. You want anything? They've got great chocolate covered pizza pretzels.

Atoz

I'm right, right?
From: Atoz

Hey, saw you get back in. You always have a great sense of justice so tell me I'm right cause Im really mad right now.

So I had to go to the commissary for lunch and Im shocked they're serving the only thing on their dessert selection that's any good at all... the ultra rarity that is the power of the ice cream bar.

You know how they're really militant on shutting down right at 2 right? I got stuck at office here and didn't get their till 1:55 but they would still have to let me in. But there's a line and I'm about to finally go in at like 1:59 when Lieutenant Dawling pulls rank and cuts ahead of me.

Guess you know how it goes from there.

Ever get a door closed on your face by a cafeteria worker? It aint good, Glenn. It aint good at all.

I'm really sick of this kind of treatment. If I was a motorcycle cop like I wanted to be, I wouldn't have to put up with it.

Going nuts
To: Cecelia "Sugarpants" Barhyte

Atoz.... Definition: a one-way ticket to Sunny Oaks.

Cover me in salt and call me shelved.

< Ever get a door closed on your face by a cafeteria worker?

Internal Training Slots Open
From: Commissioner Loeb

Additional resources have been allocated to all units, necessitating the need for additional officers.

All eligible GPD employees may sign up to enroll in the officer training program. Entrance exams will take place on Saturday, June 28th at GPD headquarters. See your department's office coordinator to sign up.

Commissioner Loeb

FW: Internal Training Slots Open
From: Atoz

I've been waiting over a year for this exam to come up again! It's a sign. I'm going to pass this time... though I still could use some help on the written part. Maybe if you have some time...

And I don't care what my wife says, I'm getting that bike I saw up for sale on the wall. I used to ride before I got married. You should have seen me... no one was faster!!!!!!!

RE: FW: Motorcycle Exams
To: Atoz

Good luck. I'm confident you'll do well. You have it in you. I can see it.

By the way, you should come to Slatts' poker night on Thursday.

Atoz + poker = ?
To: The Slatt Man

Well, you did it now. I invited Atoz like you said. Seems like an OK guy, but the man really knows how to get on your nerves after awhile.

Still here?
To: Atoz

What are you up to tonight?

You got mad skillz
To: Atoz

You weren't kidding about knowing how to ride. But what's up with the passenger seat?

Had fun. Thanks for lending an ear and keeping a secret.

Follow-up
From: Jim Gordon

Re: money laundering probe, a buddy of mine in Western confirmed that bistro story -- there's some bad guys going in and out of that place, usually the back. Let's talk next actions -- surveillance? Stake out? It's your call here.

Jim

MCU4735119
From: Jim Gordon

We're still dealing with the setback. Do we have alternatives? Yes. Are they the best options? No. It was a big hit, those two dead at the playground. And why the painted smiles on their face? This case is getting odder and odder. I'm all ears regarding next steps, Glenn.

Jim

Did you see the memo????
From: Atoz

I can't believe it! Did you see the memo from the recruiting office? They cancelled the exam. They say "no additional officers will be hired in the foreseeable future."

I can't believe this. It's almost like they're doing it to me directly. Ever feel that way? Like life is pointing its finger at you and going, "hey you... you're a loser and always will be you stupid loser."

I can see that finger pointing at me now. It's all I can do not to crumple up in the bathroom and cry. I can't be a file clerk forever. This was my last shot. The wife said it was 'now or never', so I guess it's never. But what does that mean? Now what do I do?

Unbelievable
From: Atoz

Hey man. Thanks for lunch. You bastard - I can't believe you beat me at gorging! That Indian buffet should have been all mine. How could you have downed that last plate of curry chicken? It's against the laws of physics or something.

And don't worry about me. I've snapped back. You were right - there's a lot I can do for our city without getting my boots and badge.

Don't worry about your case that fell thru. Sometimes things have to play the hard way, you know?

Your pal

Atoz

Understood
From: Atoz

Been thinking a lot about what you told me at lunch yesterday. You're right. Sometimes you have to take a stand. Looks like all that help you gave me for the exam won't go to waste after all.

we have a problem
To: The Slatt Man

Meet me outside the east entrance right now bec because Atoz is going to do something incredibly stupid and I need you to come with me to stop something bad from happening.

Case Cancelled!
To: The Slatt Man

Why don't you ever answer your cell phone?

They pulled my case! Shut it down. No explanation. Just when I was gonna lock this one down airtight, it's gone. JUST A FEW MORE DAYS I NEEDED! It's a joke. A bad one.

Maybe Dent didn't get all the rotten apples after all. Something is fishy about all of this. I want to talk to you about it offline.

Maroni
From: Jim Gordon

Don't know if the technology exists for us to monitor internet traffic to our friend's import business, but I'll look into it.

Jim